Inside:Cell Phone Rules for Tweens and Teens with Printable Cell Phone Contract
“But Mom, everybody in my class has a cell phone.”
This was often the argument my child made when begging for her own cell phone.
I would then point out many children in her class who, in fact, did not own a cell phone. I was aware of this because I knew most of their parents. If nothing else united us, it was our determination to hold out as long as possible before handing over this coveted item to our children.
Deciding if your child is ready for their first cell phone is a huge decision. It can be easy to go against our instincts when we’re feeling pressure from our kids. But if you have your doubts that they are ready, trust your gut.
If you’re on the fence, we’ve got some great criteria to consider in our post Is Your Child Ready For A Cell Phone?
However, while I’m a firm believer in holding out as long as possible, there is a point where providing our children with a cell phone of their own becomes inevitable. It’s just a part of life for this generation and you want to be able to help guide your child as they learn how to navigate this technology.
For us, the time came when my daughter was in 7th grade.
With four kids in our family, in three different schools with different bus pick-up times and different schedules for activities, it became a necessity for us to be able to reach our daughter more easily.
She had also shown through her improved accountability at home and at school that she was mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with cell phone ownership.
But we knew, kids need boundaries, even when they push back agains them. That’s why setting cell phone rules for tweens and teens is so important.
Here was how we handled this new parenting milestone:
What’s the Best Cell Phone for Tweens and Teens
First, we had to decide what phone and plan made sense for her.
There are a variety of options for phones these days and we looked at many of them before choosing the phone and plan we did for our teenage daughter.
Think about it this way, do you plan to give your 16 year old, brand new driver a Ferrrari when they receive their license?
Probably not.
Why? That car has too many options and far too much power for a highly under experienced driver. It is better to provide a less glamorous, safe, steady vehicle at a more reasonable price point.
By providing the latest, greatest, most expensive phone on the market, you’re giving a Ferrari, and your child is most likely not ready for all the features if offers, nor have they shown they deserve this level of privilege.
It’s wiser to give an older, reliable phone that may lack bells and whistles but is safe and gets the job done.
Give your child the opportunity to show that they can take care of a less expensive phone first and follow the cell phone rules you set for them. Over time, they can earn their way to a more updated phone or better yet, save their own money to pay for it.
To Surf the Web or Not Surf the Web?
You will also need to decide whether or not you want your child to have internet access available from her phone.
If you are giving a phone to a child in middle school, internet access is a bad idea. There are too many temptations for an age group that is already struggling with difficult physical and emotional changes.
Related: Why My Kid Doesn’t Have Social Media
We chose to give our daughter a phone with the wi-fi disabled and she is unable to access the web. The privilege of even having a phone was enough for her to handle at first.
She can text and make calls, as well as listen to music, that is all.
Allowing her wi-fi was unnecessary because she has opportunities to access the internet for school work on our home computer and check her email there, where we have more supervision.
It is also one less thing for us to monitor and an opportunity to prove herself in smaller things before moving on to bigger ones.
CellPhone Contract
We also required our daughter to sign an official contract with us.
This is the perfect way to ensure your expectations are clearly outlined and what the consequences will be if they’re not met.
Some of it may seem like common sense but I have learned to never assume my kids “know better”. Our contract looked like this:
Download The Cell Phone Contract for Tweens and Teens Here
Handing over a cell phone to our children IS a big deal, as much as people may want to pretend otherwise. We can have good kids that we trust, but that doesn’t always mean they are ready for total freedom.
Related: Why I Don’t Always Trust My Good Kid To Make Good Decisions
They are ours for such a short time. We hold a huge responsibility as their parents to make sure that we set them up for success as they become tweens and teens and learn the skills and accountability that comes with their approaching adulthood.
Don’t be in a hurry to get them there too fast.
Related posts about tweens, teens and technology:
Why We Need to Stop Tech Shaming Our Kids
Cyberbullying – What Parents Need to Know
Anything else you might add to our Cell Phone Rules for Tweens and Teens?
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This looks great; we plan on using this for our son.
Just a minor grammatical error. You have “…between my parents and I”. It should be “me”, not “I”.
Thanks for the heads-up!
I can’t say enough good things about twigby. I tell all my friends about it. TO add my daughter to our version account was going to be outrageous. We try to be frugal as much as we can. Like a lot of parents I did not like the thought of her having internet. with Twigby, she has a texting phone and SHE pays for it out of her allowance. It’s only a little over $10 amonth. Best deal we could find. All parents with kids ready for a starter phone need to check into it.
Jill Kendall – happy momma
I wish I would have known of the phone contract before I purchased a phone for my grandson. Things have gotten so bad that he truly hates me. I have grounded him from his phone so may times, that he barely has it right now. I have always monitored his phone and that is why he keeps losing it. He always says that I have no right to do that. Well I do, cause I pay for it. Now he has found other ways to email and text, and it has gotten him in trouble in school. He wants his freedom and doesn’t understand it has to be earned.
I’m sorry you’re struggling so much with him, but stick to your guns. If he’s under 18 and you’re paying for it you absolutely have the right. We tell our children that they have a right to food, shelter, schooling and our love but everything else is a privilege they must earn. Stay strong Grandma.
A very interesting solution to sign a contract. We’re going to give a new smartphone and the contract will be useful. But still I want to install parental control program. Some time I will control as the son uses a smartphone.
My 12 year old daughter (only child) begged me for a phone. So I caved in and bought us both the exact same one. They are LG G3. I am thankful you wrote this article. She is ALWAYS playing with it. She has earphones in her ear. She has games on it. Her face seems always to be on it. I did tell her she was not allowed to sleep with it in her room, but it makes me sad that it has taken time away from us. I think I will use a contract. Thanks.
This contract sounds unusually controlling – how are children to grow if you do not give them space to? Trees grow in cramped places, but they are stunted and twisted. I think it’s a great idea to have some rules, but I believe this has too many rules. I would personally be very unhappy living like these kids.
Hey Ms. Anon, thanks for commenting. The purpose of a contract is to outline parameters and specific expectations which when parents are paying for a cell phone, are reasonable in our opinion.
I love the idea that tween’s are ‘borrowing’ the phone from the parent versus it being their own possession. It helps clear up expectations and sets the stage for a developmentally appropriately and healthy relationship with technology.
What a great ideas! setting expectations and limits beforehand is always good!
Both our teen and tween have cell phones and we do have rules. They do have to give it up at a moment’s notice for us to check it. They aren’t allowed at the table. But, my teen has started this year using her phone for homework. She even uses google docs to write her papers.
I love this! Such a great idea!
I LOVE this idea. I think setting expectations ahead of time is super important.
Great ideas, and I love the contract! Very useful!
What a great way to set boundaries and expectations! 🙂
The contract is such a good idea. My daughter did not get a cell phone until 10th grade (yes, you read that right!). And, yes, she was THE very last one of her friends to have one. But I wouldn’t change that for anything. Granted, her first phone was indeed an iPhone, but she was older than middle school-age. She had also earned both the responsibility to take care of it and the privilege of having a phone. Even though we didn’t have a hard copy contract, there was (and is) an implied contract. Most kids think of their phones as necessities rather than a convenience, and that’s sad. Could I live without my phone? You bet!
I think it’s also important to note that this contract could and should extend to any mobile device. The iPod Touch does almost every single thing the actual iPhone does, and with the popularity of iPads and tablets too…OY!
GREAT post!
If and when we have kids, we will be sure to lay down some ground rules for their cell phones too! Kudos for being pro-active about this!
My little guy is still really young for this but great tips for when he gets older!
This is SUCH a great idea! Too often teenagers gain an unhealthy obsession with their phones (playing games, browsing the internet, social media etc)..adults too! I wish they would impose these rules on the iPads all of the students at the school I substitute teach.. It makes it much more difficult to make sure students are staying on task rather than wasting class time on games! The no phones allowed behind closed doors is also a great one, leaves less of a window for them to make mistakes they can’t take back.
I am not looking forward to the day when I have to implement these rules. Although I’m sure by the time my daughter is old enough to have a cell phone, they’ll have some new device. Probably holographic images. I remember back when the only thing we used phone for were calling, and they were literally the size of a laptop. Life was so simple back then.
Cell phones were still new enough when my kids were teens that this wasn’t an issue, thankfully. I like the idea of a contract and establishing house rules.
I’m definitely saving this for later. The students and families we help will really find this useful with their kids as they grow older. It’s always difficult to know what to do as a parent. Great information!
Great post. My son is 10 and swear he needs an IPhone. Yeah right! I will definitely refer to this article when we do decide to get him a phone. Pinning
Wow!! This is a fantastic idea-I have a 12 yr old daughter so the time is getting close.
Whoa, this post was “right on time for me”!! I have been on the hunt for a contract for my oldest. Really like the idea of “no apps”. Definitely will put this contract into play. Thank you! 🙂
Great article! Great questions for parents to ask and consider before getting a cell phone for the teenagers in the family.
This is really great! I don’t have kids but this is similar to what my parents did for my little sister and I think it’s the best option. NO reason for a mViddle schooler to have a fully loaded, brand spankin’ new iPhone! Period.