Yes, I know, we often feeling like we fail at parenting, sometimes many times a day. But what most of us don’t realize is that it’s not only okay, it’s necessary. We not only need to fail, we need to fail HARD?
What kind of sleep deprived, mom brain B.S. is that you may be asking?
Listen, I know, one of the biggest fears that we all harbor deep down, whether we acknowledge it out loud or not, is the fear of failure. From the moment we are aware of their conception, almost every decision we make regarding our children is influenced by this fear.
This fear becomes the quiet voice that constantly whispers doubt into our ears.
It causes us to agonize for hours or even days over something as simple as cloth or disposable diapers.
It paralyzes us in the produce aisle pondering whether we should pay the extra $2 for organic apples.
It convinces us that every abnormal behavior our child exhibits is somehow our fault for letting them watch too much TV or not reading them enough bedtime stories or letting them stay up too late.
Perhaps I’m overdoing it a little, but am I really?
These specific examples may not apply to all parents, but we each have our own versions of ways in which we dissect our daily parental performance and grade ourselves too harshly.
I get it. None of us wants to screw up and be the cause of years of therapy for our children.
But you know what, it’s too late. What do I mean? I mean, IT’S. TOO. LATE. Not the therapy part, but the failure part. If you have kids, I guarantee you’ve failed, probably multiple times on a bad day.
However, here’s the secret…
It’s OKAY! Not only is it okay, it is necessary. And I think the sooner we come to that realization, the easier parenting becomes. Although, for many of us, it takes a few years or another child or two before that process begins.
So, what happens when we fail?
Often, absolutely nothing. At least in terms of what we fear. There is no permanent injury or serious mental anguish (at least to the child). The damage, if any, is usually quickly forgiven and forgotten.
In those rare cases when we fail in a really big way. Well, we suck it up, we own our mistakes, we apologize and do what we can to make it right. That’s life and in our failures we teach our children lessons that are equally, if not more important, than when we do things right.
The author Paulo Coelho said, “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
Failure is a part of childhood, it’s a part of parenting, it’s a part of life. Our children are going to fail and their going to fail HARD sometimes. What we need to model for them is how to get back up, how to show grace and accept grace, and how to keep moving forward.
This is why we need to fail at parenting.Because through our failures we show our children how to conquer fear and how to follow their dreams. We show them how to fly.
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