Why are Chores for Children important?
The other day as my daughter was changing out of her ballet shoes at dance and I was sitting and talking to a few other moms, she started complaining about how she had to go home and do her chores.
She turned to one of her other dance friends and sighed, rolling her eyes slightly and putting on her best dramatic face, “Now I have to go home and fold my laundry….”
One of the other moms stopped mid-sentence and looked at me. “Your daughter does her own laundry?” she asked with astonishment.
“Yes,” I replied not thinking much of it.
My daughter is 11 and has been doing her own laundry since she turned 8. That’s the rule in our family, at 8 years old you get a laundry basket and a lesson in how to run the washer and dryer. From then on out, your laundry is your responsibility.
This mother was floored. She went on to ask me about a million questions about how I got her to do her own laundry and wasn’t I worried she’d ruin her clothes. Then she wanted to know what other chores my kids do.
They clean their bathrooms, they vacuum the house, they take out the trash.
Her jaw hit the floor.
But at the same time, I was equally surprised that she found this all so “unusual.” For a hot minute, I actually questioned whether maybe I was being unfair to my kids or expecting too much.
But then I snapped to my senses and remembered that I did all this and more in my family growing up and it wasn’t a big deal. I was more than capable and I learned life skills, responsibility and a strong work ethic.
And this is what I want for my kids. Because too many in our younger generations don’t have these things and its holding them back in so many ways.
We’ve all read the stories about today’s millenials.
The boomerang generation.
The go-nowhere generation.
Generation “y” bother.
These are just a few of the labels that follow them around.
There are any number of theories and about a million articles that attempt to explain the challenges faced by these young adults.
But then, let’s talk about how OUR kids are being described; Lazy, Entitled and Tech Addicted.
There are probably elements of truth in all of this and yet at the same time not everything is deserved. Overall though, many people will agree that the phenomena of helicopter parenting has definitely contributed to generations of kids who are growing up unable to manage even the most basic responsibilities of adulthood.
In an attempt to be both their best friends and their most ardent protectors, we parents are guilty of shielding them from many of the realities of life that help a child mature into a productive and self reliant adult.
So, what do we do? How do we change this trend?
It’s actually rather simple, we give them chores.
Chores for Children And the Decline of Parental Expectations
One of the significant ways in which our households have changed in recent decades is the steep decline in the expectation that children should contribute to the household in age appropriate ways.
Some parents feel that the time spent on such menial tasks is not as worthwhile as working on homework. In other situations, our children are so over-scheduled with activities crammed into every waking moment that there just isn’t room for chores.
What we as parents often overlook unfortunately is that chores can be just as important to the future success of our children as their grades and their talents.
Chores can be “easy wins” for kids. They usually don’t take much time, but they can steadily build a strong work ethic, confidence and even give our kids a sense of pride for being able to give back to their familes.
They are also essential to developing the basic life skills that will be needed to survive outside our homes.
Chores for Children – What Are Your Kids Capable of?
Below you will find a printable chore chart you can hang on your fridge or even each child’s door that lists the types of chores for children that are appropriate at different ages.
For some people, the suggestions may be shocking. Like they were for my fellow dance mom.
That is part of the problem.
By forgoing chores, we’ve arrived at a point where we often underestimate what our children are capable of and when.
Children are not helpless, they are helpers. Take advantage of this untapped support staff in your own home.
Your kids really will thank you for it some day and you will free up some much deserved time for yourself right now!
“The message I want my children to know by doing their chore list is ‘You are Important. I value your help. Your work is good work.'”
– Leah Martin
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Emily says
What kind of job do you expect a 10 year old to get?!?!?!?
Shawna says
I think this one might be for families that live in a tight knit neighborhood. Old school kid jobs like dog walking, baby sitting, mowing/raking yards, snow shoveling side walks, pool cleaning,.
Amy says
I wholeheartedly agree with this! My son is 18 months old and has been helping me with many of these chores for several months now! He hands me all the dishes from the dishwasher, puts the wet clothes into the dryer, helps put the groceries away, helps to feed the animals, and puts his toys away. At this stage of his life I wouldn’t even consider these “chores” because my sons loves helping out and being included! He is always proud of himself for helping! A win-win for everyone 🙂
Olivia says
Thanks for this post! I’m trying to encourage my son to do some house chores… now I have some more ideas!
Sophie says
I agree and disagree with all this. My children help out, they tidy their room, they make their beds, if I ask for help THEY ALWAYS help me but…. everyone doing their own laundry sounds ridiculous to me. If you properly sort colours how can one person have enough for a load? How often is your machine running? We have a communal pile. They will help me sort colours and help me hang out when I ask but we are a team, it’s not “my job, your job” we band together and sometimes one person lays the table, sometimes someone else. This seems very rigid and actually quite helicopter-ish to me. I know you think you’re stepping back and giving them independence but you’ve created a schedule for them and decided for them isn’t it better to teach compromise and initiative?
My children help because they see a need or hear me ask. No one ever says to me “that’s not my job” sometimes the 8 year old will help the 4 year old with his bed because that’s how families work.
I just…. don’t like it.
Kira Lewis says
The approach given in this post may not be the exact right fit for your family and that’s totally okay. The underlying idea to this post is really just that kids should help out and we should give them responsibilities as part of the household even when they are very little. Kids feel proud when they help out and it can build confidence. It helps them develop a sense of teamwork and togetherness. And it teaches them essential life skills. The bigger issue is not how you approach giving your kids chores and teaching them to help out, the issue is how many kids are given 0 expectations on this front. Parents do everything for them for any number of reasons – thinking they aren’t capable, fear, the fact that they won’t do they job as well as an adult would or just the hassle of teaching them to do the chore.
It’s sounds like you’ve got great kids and are doing a great job figuring out what works well for your family.
Nancy says
We do this in my family, too. Not helicopter-ish at all. We don’t do a family laundry pile. We wash clothes by owner. It absolutely freeing and super easy. Yes, some stuff has to be pulled to be washed separately but not most of it. Most of it by kiddo just goes in one load. We purchase clothes that allow for that. No fashion awards over here. Only independence awards. 🙂
Shawna says
Ha! I love that last line!
Ashley says
Coming from a woman who’s husbands first load of laundry was when we got married… I completely agree with making your child do their own laundry. My son has been doing laundry since he was 3. And now at 8 does his own. My 5 year old girl does her own also, by doing this their laundry hamper has been better utilized. We no longer throw clean clothes into the hamper for mom to wash and put away. We each have a laundry day, we do not wait until it is full. And my kids only have one load of laundry typically. With new washers and dryers, the water consumption is minimal. Great read! I agree. And the reality is life is scheduled. Being on a routine allows you to not get overloaded and have more free time. Add in a minimalist life style to that and your kids have plenty of time to be kids!
Shawna says
This is why I started making my daughter so her own laundry! Every week I was re-washing the same baby doll clothes and a jacket for every day of the week and close that I know she hasn’t worn in ages. And I got sick of it she was on the phone with her friend and she said she had to go and do her laundry and it was like a light bulb lit up over my head. She slightly was in school now because she thinks it’s her fault that she has to do laundry now but it was coming anyways. My husband thought I was putting too much on her and she wasn’t ready to start doing her laundry at 8 years old but I’ve proved him wrong and now he is proud of her for starting and completing this task.
Mary says
I was raised with 4 younger siblings and we tidied our room washed dishes and hoovered, i looked after my younger siblings as my parents worked and had to heat up food and dish up meals prepared by my mum, (no microwaves in those days).. it never did us any harm and when i married and had my own home i kept it the way i was shown,,, so when i had my own 3 sons all over 30 now, they were taught from an early age to do chores, they iron, hoover and cook as this is the way i raised them. Nobody was going to say my boys were useless…. yes its good to give a kid chores and it makes them independent… and my middle son was always looking for extra ways to earn pocket money and had a paper round, delivered the milk at 6 in the morning granted he was about 15 at the time.
My 20 month old grandson will put his used paper sweets in the bin, he also hates getting his nappy changed and so we made it a game by allowing him to bag it in a nappy sack and take it outside to the waste bins and he gets to throw it in, plus he shuts the bin lid, and he is given a high five and praise…we now have to do this every dirty nappy change. He is very independent and I see nothing wrong with letting kids help out.
I have seen and know kids who lived a privilege life and haven’t a clue or pretend not to have one, who rely on others, nobody wants to share a flat or college dorm with a slob,, if parents don’t allow their kids to carryout the simplest basic responsibilities before adulthood then were doing them an injustice.
Our job is to make our children independent and self reliant we aren’t going to be around forever so we must instil our knowledge on them at an early age, we are their parents first and foremost, we are not their friends !! afraid we will upset them or they will dislike us if we give them chores or discipline them by grounding them, but we can still be a parent and be there for them.. however if were seen as the big bad wolves while doing this, so be it. They will realise further down the line we did it for a good reason. I tell my kids and my grandkids there is nothing you cant tell me, cos I’ve probably done it before you.. and yes i maybe angry by what you tell me, but we will always try to sort it out together..
Nicole says
Thank you for this list! I wasn’t allowed to mow the yard yet until I was 12 when I was physically a little stronger, but yard work like raking leaves, pick up sticks, helping to put away seasonal outdoor cushions and helping keep the shed tidy absolutely 10 and above. People tend to forget (based on some of the negative comments), that we are not raising children and teens, but young healthy and well adjusted adults. Now that NEVER excuses any kind of abuse and I sincerely hate when any child or teen is every forced to do anything under physical, verbal or mental violence. So, my heart cries out to those who have had to experience such trauma. I am a 45 yr old woman who was raised to do your part in the family construct, it was never to the extreme, but I sincerely appreciate everything I was taught by watching my grandparents, Parents and siblings taking pride in the work they asked to do. Children want to help so desperately at a young age, so having a guide to instruct them in a loving and safe manner is wonderful and I thank you for this quick guide :).
susie tuberville says
At 6 I washed the dishes if I didn’t
Get them clean I got a speaking.
At 7i was cooking and washing dishes. At 8 I was handed a baby to care for along with my other chores plus washing close hanging them out to dry bring them in folding and putting them away.at 11 I was handed another baby to car for. To this day I hate washing dishes. Washing close or any house work give me a rake a shovel and a lawnmower and I’m in heaven
Amanda says
Thank you so much for sharing this! My son is still super tiny but I’ve been wondering when exactly it’s appropriate to expect certain things of him.
Carol says
This is the best article I’ve ever read concerning parents and children. My half brother has had the red carpet rolled out before him his entire life and now at near 30 still cannot function on his own and still living at home with parents paying no rent. I think that’s another good point to make that children should begin to pay rent and boarding as soon as they commence employment. Oblivious of the trail of wet towels left to mould on the floor in his wake is also makes a shitty flat mate that friends shouldn’t have to pick up after either. People need to step up and take responsibility for their own actions from a very young age as you’ve so well charted in this article. Well done!! Bravo !!
Shelli says
That’s too much control over children. Toddlers can’t reach table for example I could go off but choosing not to. You also have a post not raising entitled children. My mom made herself entitled I did her job at 4 and changed diapers. Expected to grow up as her mini me. Expected straight A’s if not it was my ass. Long story short it’s too much on kids especially with all the school shootings. I have pstd due to some of that and got away from her at 17 cuz she kicked me out of the house and wound up in a abusive relationship looking for someone to give me a break figure out who I am. 43 yrs of abuse calm the list down
Kira Lewis says
I’m so sorry that you had the experience that you did growing up. I know that there are so many children who are robbed of their childhoods too soon and it saddens me to my core. I can totally understand how you have the feelings you do. However, I think there are also plenty of children in the opposite position who are given everything in their lives and are not taught to have accountability or to contribute and as a result we unfortunately have a problem with entitlement. We can love our children with all our hearts while at the same time giving them a firm foundation that includes compassion for others, work ethic and proper life skills. Every child is different and each parent should decide when they can take on certain chores. I have really tall kids, so having them put a fork and a napkin on 4 place settings at age three was not too much to ask of them and honestly they were incredibly proud to be able to help. At that age, they also loved sorting the recycling. Sometimes we think that having reasonable expectations of our children is putting pressure on them, when in fact its simply showing them that we believe in them and their capabilities. Also, in many cases, instead of feeling like a burden, children actually get a sense of pride when they can also give back to their families or their communities in a positive way. The guidelines we gave are in line with many other well regarded sources, but again, every child is different and we don’t believe anything is a one size fits all suggestion. Again, my heart goes out to you for the experiences you’ve had in your life and I hope that you’re in better place now and have found the support you need to begin healing.
Kristine says
Some good suggestions, but don’t agree with mowing the lawn at the age of 10 or 11,still to dangerous also did I see this right family budgeting? Come on 11 years old
Debra Kroll says
My 5 year old could mow the lawn.
Katie says
I like the list, however, there are some spelling errors. Is there any way these can be fixed? If so, then I would love to print it! Thanks!
Kira Lewis says
Katie – It’s all fixed! Sorry for the delay and thank you so much for bringing it to our attention. 🙂 🙂
Lauren says
My son, who is 9, helps out a lot! He will vacuum, fold laundry, unload the dishwasher, take out the trash, scrub toilets, clean the shower, water plants, etc. Most of these started around summer break when I decided to set up responsibilities and designated days for housework tasks. He always helps keep an eye on my youngest, who is 21 months old, if I step out of sight, and he helps tidy up by putting toys away. Of course, I have to ask him and remind him, but he does it. He is learning that even boys must help up around the house and aren’t exempt from housework. I’m training a future husband, after all, and what wife doesn’t like a man who can clean?
Darcee says
I like your list! My 2 year old does all of the recommended except for the laundry (i tend to do my laundry after bedtime :P) But he also does some of the 4 year old chores such as setting the table, getting a snack (he is allowed to get veggies from the fridge) and feeding our pup! He just LOVES being independent and I can’t believe how helpful he truly is for his age!